Put An End to the Pain of Grief: 7 Myths
by Taylor Evans June 10, 2022 4 min read
Death is a natural part of a human’s lifecycle, but it’s a painful one. Children and adults feel grief, whether they’re mourning a human or animal. We've seen an uptick in people buying pet cremation urns to overcome the pain of grief for animals.
However, as humans, there are also a lot of myths surrounding the pain of grief that circulate and make it even harder to put an end to the cycle.
We're going to discuss the numerous myths people have been told about grief.
7 Myths About Grief That Make Healing More Difficult
1. Grief Ends After a Few Weeks
Grief may end, but there’s no timeline for how long it may last. Often, people tell us that it will get better “soon.” However, some people struggle with the pain of grief for decades, and this doesn’t mean that something is wrong with the person.
Oftentimes, sufferers can go back to work and seem fine, but when they go home, they:
- Feel depressed or emotional
- Reminisce about the person
- Wake up crying, or cry periodically
Everything from a scent to a song can bring the grief storming back into your life. If someone is telling you just to move on already, know that there’s no timeline for grief. The idea that “it will get better in a few months” isn’t true for everyone and is just a myth.
2. You Can Wait to Begin Healing
Unfortunately, waiting is one of the worst things that you can do to manage grief and pain. Healing will slowly start to begin on its own, and it’s not something that you want to impede. You’re allowed to:
- Move on
- Stay sad
Healing from a loss is a long process, but it ispossible and begins on its own. There's never a reason to try and stay in your grief because healing doesn’t mean that you forgot about the person or care for them any less than when they were alive.
Instead, think of healing as a way to honor the person by living your best life.
3. Loss of Sleep is Normal
When grief first strikes, many people will toss and turn all night long, thinking about the loss of their loved one or pet. However, in the long term, loss of sleep is severely detrimental to your health.
Contrary to what you’ve been told, loss of sleep isn’t normal beyond the first day or two, and it can lead to significant issues when trying to heal.
You should work on trying to restore your normal sleeping habits because sleep is crucial to:
- Emotional health
Over-the-counter sleeping aids can help, but you should use natural products rather than synthetic options. If you cannot get to sleep no matter what you try, it may be time for medical intervention.
4. Just Avoid Everything That Happened
Avoidance is one of the recommendations that people make, but it’s a myth because the emotions seem to flood back in eventually. If you think that you’re going to bury yourself in work and avoid everything that happened, you’re mistaken.
In fact, avoidance slows the healing process, according to one study.
The study found that writing about the loss led to:
- Lower depression levels
- Lower anxiety
- Increase in grief recovery
If your strategy is to continue avoiding that the person died, you’re going to find that the pain of grief is something that will stay with you for a very, very long time. Instead, ignore this myth and write down your feelings, talk to others about it and allow yourself to heal.
5. Hold Back Your Tears and Be Strong
One myth that is undoubtedly wrong is that tears are a sign of weakness. Grieving and crying are interconnected. If you’re taking the approach that you must hold back your tears and keep your head high for your loved ones, you’re going to prolong your pain and suffering.
Crying and a whirlwind of emotions are expected after a loss.
Allow yourself the freedom to cry and be sad about your loss. It's natural and human nature to have emotions.
6. Focus on the Good Times Only
Every relationship and friendship will have its ups and downs. If you’re told to focus only on the good things, this is unfair to you. Instead, you want to focus on any emotions that come your way, and both the good and bad memories.
If you focus on only the good times, you’re:
- Suppressing a part of your relationship
- Adding to your grief
However, we’re not saying that you should focus on the bad either. Instead, you want to accept all of the bad things that happened and then think of the good times. If you don’t accept the bad, you won’t be able to let go of the pain you’re experiencing.
7. Accepting Loss is the End of Your Grief
Grief has cycles, but if someone is telling you that accepting the loss puts an end to grief, they’re repeating a myth that they don’t fully understand. There are many people who accept the loss of a loved one or pet, but they still feel an immense amount of grief.
The truth is that you can experience the following and still have grief:
- Happiness that the person is no longer in pain
- Understanding that the person is gone
- Epiphany that you must heal
Often, people grieve because they feel like they have unfinished business with the person. Perhaps you never got to say goodbye or to tell the person how much you cared for them. One way to help overcome this grief is with urns for human ashes or cremation jewelry.
Why do cremation urns help?
You cannot go back in the past and tell the person how much they meant to you, but you can say goodbye with an urn. These urns can have engravings with sayings or the person’s favorite quote on them.
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